P.S. On some days I write and attempt to obtain inspiration from my own paintings.📓🖋️👩🎨🎨🖌️
As I traverse the open sea, The breeze in my hair and, I pictured you standing next to me. The waves are a bit rough, Keeping you by my side is making this moment tough. My mind is urging me to gently touch the blue clouds. My heart is clamoring to speak for myself clear and loud. The darkness of the night is keeping me alive, Combined with the bright and shiny thoughts that persuade me to forgive and be revived.
The thin warmth of orange in the sky, The golden layers in the water soothe my eyes. I am experiencing a show in my head, The only thing I desire is for my words to spread. I am elevating my thoughts to be able to fly, The golden view overshadowing the black is the moment to say goodbye!
Look at the full moon it came and smiled, The Golden Hour has arrived. The beauty of white again illuminated with peace, And, the reflection of it will never cease. The night is brimming with happiness and a glow. Creating a beautiful life for yourself can sometimes require you to Let It Go! 🌟
“The one who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his mind will remain the greatest enemy.” ~The Bhagavad Gita 🌷
A year ago, this month! I was unaware of what was happening to me. My mind was not permitting me to feel the happiness within myself. I was in a different zone.
Today I am writing down what it feels when you do not understand and feel things around you.
It began gradually in February 2021. During work, I used to weep a lot. Alone in the house working from home (Bombay). My flatmate’s office started, so I spent the morning to an evening alone at the house. Sometimes, suicidal thoughts popped into my head and made me even worse. I lost myself! Several things were going on simultaneously with me. Therefore, I decided to take a tough decision and keep myself a priority. My first decision was to quit my toxic job and find another good job where I would be valued in terms of my work and helps me to grow. Many have told me not to leave my present job without finding one. But, I knew I was suffering, and later, I was pleased to make that decision. Thank you, Yashi and Diksha for giving me the courage to make that choice. Thank you again, Diksha for standing by me throughout the lockdown. My second decision was to stay away from those unkind people who took me for granted and left me alone whenever I needed them the most. I never thought being kind, sweet, and helpful to your people would be nothing in front of their selfish deeds. That was the biggest lesson I received. An individual must keep him or her on priority, but without harming others.
I called my parents, and they took me to my hometown. Before leaving, I met a wonderful person who supported, guided, looked after me, and is still consistent with me. Thank you, Nupur, for being there with me during my difficult moments.
I landed in my hometown, but there seemed to be no changed. Those four walls of my room appeared pale to my sight. My mind went into auto-pilot mode. My life was only happening. The presence of my parents was unaffected. I saw them when they spoke to me, but I could hear nothing, as though my mind had no intention to listen. Steadily gazing at the bulb in my room became my hobby. My mother noticed that I was speaking to myself and was in my world, so she started signing me with her stuffs and never leave me alone. Making paintings were the only thing that would help me, but unfortunately, it did not work out as well. Being an Instagram freak with regular uploads, I flew out of the platform for a month. I was not able to pay attention to anything. I was giving interviews, but nothing was happening! I felt alone, irritated, shattered, and scared at times. I used to sit at the corner of my room at night and cry silently. The gloomy vibes had occurred.
My parents, brother, and my friends (Sachin, Yashi, Nupur) used to motivate, encourage me very much with their positive words, and give me new notions to start over. They were with me every step of the way. I am so appreciative of having them in my life. I had collected their thoughts. I started reading self-help books. Read the citations by Krishna (Bhagavad Gita). I tried to add back those beautiful color palettes to my days, began to meditate, showing gratitude, and spent most of my time with plants. I remember I wasn’t a deserter who give up easily. I decided to end my job hunting and thought about getting another education and started preparing for the same. One fine day, I got a call from my current company, and after all my efforts, I got hired. I was over the moon. I stayed without work for two months. Being a workaholic, it wasn’t easy for me to be unemployed. Somewhere it was a fear of something inside of me that I could not figure out why it was there. Commencing new things frightened me that everything would go wrong. But, a belief was still holding me that nothing would happen without my consent. I took my time and gathered myself. The process was not easy but, I knew I could manage. So, I tried making myself a fearless, optimistic person again.
I met wonderful, positive, helpful, amazing people at my current job. Everything started going smoothly. Since then, no fake smiles were there. Today, I am happy. But, there are few memories, words, and the act of people would never fade. I still gaze bulb in my room, but now I am aware of what I am doing!
I did not know started working on myself and expressing gratitude would do wonders. Whenever the thoughts of the last year cross my mind, it still affects me somewhere. I experienced a mental breakdown. I read a few stories of people about their mental health. It is sad to hear such things. I know physical health matters, but nobody has told how to take care of our minds. The most fragile part! I am not blaming our elders, but no one practiced and taught us the mental exercise. Caring for our thoughts and minds should be one upon the top.
P.S. : “Not all smiling faces are happy within. Be kind to others, always!” Be vocal about your feelings, someone will surely come to gently hold you.
“The one who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his mind will remain the greatest enemy.” ~The Bhagavad Gita 🌷
There was a day came in, Crossed the rainbows along with the hopes. An empty sensation touched the mind and the heart. The darkness took over all those beautiful paths.
The presence of persons was unaffected, Stood among them and felt nothing. Only solitary confinement had emerged. Certain voices were transformed into an absurd sound. Undesirable pictures walked over the mind.
The lights were departing, The mind was getting accustomed to the darkness. The paintings as a hobby were not helpful, The dark colors replaced pretty pastels.
Mates who held the lamp and brightened the soul, Took away the light and left a ray of doubt and bountiful of the never going soreness. Felt all alone and scared.
The four white walls appeared pale opposite the sight, And, hearkened to a loud voice not spoken. The mind devoured the dark Vibes. It seemed as though the black hour had arrived.
A length of two months went by in a blazing torch. Those vivid and memorable memories were abandoned under a porch.
And then, there was a day came in. A moment felt like to step outside again. Determined to freeze the mind, And, took control over it. Meditation became a routine, Self Help Books were new mates. Gradually pastel shades returned. Realization pinched, the mind was wider than the sea and taking care of it became a priority. The smiles were no longer a lie, It came out of the inside. Life’s war didn’t always go, How to react with the right mind one should know! The mind was the only power, And, it helped to rise above the black hour.
I can sense your presence, Before going to my fairytale dreams. When my pink sheet touching my lips, Creating a rhythm what I feel. Your arms are enough to make me close to you. Your fortune fingers are moving on my face, The sensation turned out to be magical embrace. I love feeling their caress on my cheeks. Like the morning light falling on my eyes, When I wake up after a dream, By the chirrups of the birds. I realize it was just my dream, That you were around in my sleep.
Dwelling inside her own tunnel,
And, spreading sweetness within a wink.
She is scribbling happiness everywhere.
But is she really blooming?
A caring flower, loved by everyone.
But, what is love for her?
She desires fondness in her spirit.
She yearns love earnestly.
She wished to be nurtured gracefully, and it will form the glow in her petals.
Though, it’s a scary process!
Some of her bud memories have captured the path in her mind.
Being a different color with intrinsic characteristics, Rejections took over the hopes of her.
Showing a ray of beauty to others and staying in the darkness makes her feel sheltered.
Her leaves are choked up,
Her petals are strangled.
The tiny drop in her filaments is turning over in soreness.
She just feels her numbness!
Contemplating something everyday takes her in a parallel garden.
Thinking of someone or something incessantly makes her feel reluctant.
What else?
Where this thing is taking her?
Blowing with the wind, setting a beautiful vista,
It doesn’t show up the scenic beauty.
Not want to unfold or she doesn’t intend to bloom like her other folks.
Picking up things with the different perspective and finding meaning in little things is nowhere she believes to be in.
Is she dwindling herself?
Hold her hand, walk with her.
She’ll lead you to the vast land within her palm.
The land comprises of love and happiness, where no more suffering, no tears nor pain resides.
Hold her hand and lean on with her.
The night sky and the scintillating stars will make your moment, so surreal, brings a ray of light in your life.
Hold her hand so tight, And all through the night,
Never let her out of your eyes.
You belong to her,
She belongs to you.
The world will see,
How much she cares for you!
Hold her hand, Don’t let her go!
With her, your every moment will continue to grow.
Gently close your eyes,
When she is not around.
Find her face in your heart,
Even if you’re apart!
She is merely a wish away to feel you home again!
Hold her hand forever,
From the dawn till break of daylight
With love grip growing stronger
Even when you both are old and gray.
Entwine yourself with her soul,
Embrace her and create every second alive.
Hold her hand forever, Would You?
Sprinkling the season of love with flowers.
She is fanning out her wings like butterflies.
Striving for happiness and creating her world full of positivity.
She believes everything is in her mind,
And hence she is nourishing it.
Everyday, she is touching ones heart.
Her goal is to bring smiles and laughters into the soul.
It appears, she is bringing forth the kind impression where ever she is stepping in.
The calmness around her with appealing bright hues, depicting the sunshine after rain.
Her peaceful brown eyes are too shy to look around.
She invariably believes to walk in beauty, like the joy after the sadness.
She is the love after loss!
Sprinkling the season of love with flowers.
somyaguptablog 